Digressions on Traynor
by Scutter
Summary: Traynor's episode of the Digressions series, in which each character is given one opening sentence, and I see how many ficlets I can write beginning with that sentence. Traynor's opener is 'Traynor couldn't stand it anymore.'
1. The Challenge

**Digressions on Traynor**

Thank you to Lanfear for the opening sentence for Traynor, which is 'Traynor couldn't stand it any more.'

* * *

**The Challenge**

Traynor couldn't stand it any more. EDI's voice was driving her insane. The smooth tones, the lilting, melodic quality, the precise intonation… it was like listening to fine music. Very fine, very erotic music. And after five shots and two beers, she was utterly sick to death of watching Joker smiling and flirting with her.

"Alright, that's it!" she declared, slamming her hand down on the table. "I have just as much right to date EDI as you do," she challenged Joker, much to his astonishment. And to the astonishment of the rest of the crew. "More so, even, because you hated her when you first met, where as I liked her right from the start."

Joker, it seemed, had had a few drinks as well, and he stood up, fixing her with a glare. "I was here first," he countered. "And I set her free from her shackles, so she owes me her freedom."

"That's just blackmail," Traynor argued. "You can't just decide she owes you one for the rest of your life."

"Well, I also protected her from getting deleted by the Alliance team during the retrofit. I'm watching out for her best interests."

"And I have far more in common with her that you do. We have a great time analyzing data together."

"She has you there, Joker," Shepard agreed, downing the contents of his shot glass.

"Hey, who's side are you on?" Joker complained, and Shepard just laughed.

"My own," he replied, then squirmed in his seat as Kaidan put a hand on his thigh. "And Kaidan's, when it's an issue."

Watching all the happy couples in the room was depressing. "Alright," Traynor decided, having had quite enough of this argument. "I'll fight you for her."

Joker looked at her like she was insane. "I have Vrolik syndrome," he said, taking three attempts to pronounce 'Vrolik' due to all the alcohol in his bloodstream. "That's a stupid idea."

"I don't mean a physical fight, you halfwit. I challenge you to a game of chess. The winner gets to take EDI out to dinner."

Joker looked confused. He glanced around at the rest of the crew… who were watching the exchange with great interest. "It's a good way to settle the argument," Garrus agreed. "In fact, you could have a match right now."

"Perfect," Traynor agreed. "I'll get my chess set." She stood up, then swayed on her feet and grabbed onto the back of the sofa. Who the hell had decided to make the room spin like that? "I'll be right back," she promised, weaving to and fro, then promptly walked into the door frame. "In just a few minutes."

Twenty minutes later, Traynor stared at the board in dismay. "What? How did you…? That's not possible!" she protested. "I was national champion in the English Chess League! How did you beat me?"

"You're drunk as a virgin on prom night," James said with a smirk, then sucked down another mouthful of beer. "You really expected to beat him in that state?"

"But he's srunk too. I mean drink. Drunk. He's drunk."

Joker snorted. "Yeah. But I played all the time as a kid. I couldn't exactly go outside and play soccer, could I? So I joined the chess club." He turned to EDI with a grin. "So, EDI. Dinner on me?"

"It would be a pleasure, Jeff," EDI said politely, and Traynor sighed.


	2. A Miscommunication

**A Miscommunication**

Traynor couldn't stand it any more. She grabbed the drinks she had just ordered from the bar and headed hastily back to the table.

"Hey, gorgeous! Can I buy you a drink?"

"No," Traynor snapped, glaring at the man who had just propositioned her, as she squeezed past a group of party-goers.

"How about you buy me a drink, then," another man said, and Traynor rolled her eyes. What was it about men in Purgatory? Every single one of them seemed to think that hitting on her was the best idea they'd ever had… and more than one had been reluctant to take no for an answer. The first few times, she had been flattered, turning them down with a teasing grin. Then she'd gotten more direct, polite but firm refusals. Now, she'd given up all pretense of politeness and if one more male tried one more lame pick up line, she was going to punch someone.

If a woman had made a pass at her, that would have been different. She was young, single, and on shore leave for a few days, so meeting some interesting female company was definitely a option… but sadly, she hadn't been able to catch the eye of anyone of a feminine persuasion. Even the asari didn't seem interested, and they were usually far more relaxed about gender than the other species in the room.

Traynor set the tray down on the table with just a little more force than necessary, causing Liara and Tali to jump in surprise.

"Something wrong?" Tali asked, taking her drink from the tray.

"Oh, nothing serious," Traynor said, trying to calm down. "Just letting thing get to me-"

"Hey, sweetheart," a male voice said from behind her, and then Traynor felt a hand pinch her on the bum. She spun around and punched the man in the face, feeling a thrill of satisfaction when his head snapped back and his nose instantly started bleeding.

"Keep your hands to yourself, you pig."

She sat down, huffing out an irritated sigh, and noticed Liara and Tali staring at her, Tali's straw halfway to her helmet.

"What was that about?" Liara asked, looking shocked. Traynor opened her mouth to reply, but already, another man at the next table was eyeing her with interest. He raised his glass to her in a silent toast… and Traynor had had enough.

"I'm sorry for this," she said to Liara. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but…" In a sudden rush, Traynor grabbed Liara by the shoulders, leaned in and kissed the living daylights out of her.

When she pulled back, she glanced around at the man at the next table… and sighed in relief as he raised an eyebrow, then turned away with disinterest.

Liara, on the other hand, looked utterly stunned.

"I'm sorry," Traynor tried to say, but Liara interrupted.

"I had no idea," she said. "I mean… I knew you were interested in other women, but you never said anything…"

Oh help. Liara _had_ taken it the wrong way. It was supposed to be just a public display of the fact that she was _not interested in men _but Liara seemed to have missed the point entirely. Traynor glanced at Tali… but that damned face plate meant she couldn't see her expression, and for once, Tali was saying nothing, her body language giving nothing away about what she was thinking. No help there…

"Look, I didn't mean to-"

"I'm flattered, though," Liara said, her face darkening to a slightly deeper shade of purple, the asari equivalent of a blush. "You're a very interesting woman, and serving on the Normandy with you has been… very enjoyable…"

"I didn't mean to startle you like that. The thing is, I hadn't actually thought that through, and-"

"I just hadn't realised you felt that way about me. But we have a lot in common, so it's actually a very good idea…"

Wait… was Liara actually… accepting her unintentional invitation?

"So you're… interested in me?" Traynor clarified uncertainly. "I mean, in a relationship…?"

"Well, everyone else on the Normandy seems to be pairing off," Liara admitted drolly. "And it does get lonely, spending so much time with my computers all day… I hadn't put a lot of thought into a relationship, but if you feel that way about me, then yes. I think it would be quite lovely to have someone… special."

Well, how about that. Traynor glanced sideways at Tali, and found that she was studiously staring at her drink, playing with the straw, then making a great show of checking one of the seals on her suit. It could be simple discretion, but Traynor had the feeling she was smothering her amusement behind the helmet.

"Um… well, great, then," Traynor agreed, surprised, but unexpectedly delighted with this outcome. Liara was a very attractive woman, after all, intelligent, talented… she wasn't sure why the idea had never occurred to her before. "I would be honored to have you as my girlfriend."


	3. Chess

**Chess**

Traynor couldn't stand it any more. Rematch after rematch, and Shepard had beaten her six times in a row at chess! It shouldn't be possible! Okay, he was allowed to win every now and then. And Traynor didn't like to think of herself as a sore loser. She played for the mental challenge, the anticipation, the thrill of trying to outwit an opponent. But winning was nice. And she just couldn't understand how Shepard had suddenly become so much better at this game than she was.

She'd gone back over every move, the games recorded in the electronic board's memory, analyzing where she'd gone wrong, trying to tease out his strategy. And she'd learned a lot in the process, but still, Shepard kept beating her.

"May I make a suggestion," EDI asked her suddenly, while Traynor was sitting in the starboard lounge, fretting over the board once again.

"What? Yes! Anything that might help me win."

"Shortly before we left the citadel on our last visit, Shepard went to a book store. I believe he bought a copy of Samuel Wentworth's 'Advanced Chess Moves for Beginners'. Perhaps you would like a copy of the same text?"

So that was it! He was cheating! Well, not quite cheating, but certainly not sticking to an even playing field. "Yes, I would," Traynor agreed immediately. "Do you have a copy?"

"I have the book on file," EDI said helpfully. "I could send it to your omni-tool."

"Oh, would you? That would be fantastic."

"I have been studying human behaviour," EDI went on, and Traynor listened with half an ear while she waited for the file to come through. Her omni-tool remained silent.

"That's very interesting EDI," Traynor said, trying to sound encouraging. "Could you send me that file?"

"I believe this is what humans refer to as a 'favor'," EDI said. "And I have also discovered that favors often carry an obligation that they be returned."

So that's what this was about. Traynor sighed. "Okay, EDI. What do you need?"

"Jeff has been feeling down lately. I am not certain what the cause is, but I would like to cheer him up."

"And how does that involve me?"

"I would like you to challenge him to a game of chess."

"What? Every time I play him, he beats the pants off me. It's humiliating!"

"But he enjoys it," EDI pointed out. "And if I inform him that you have acquired a copy of this book, he is likely to be more eager to play you. And more delighted when he wins."

It was a fair trade, Traynor supposed. Lose to Joker, for the chance to win against Shepard. "Alright, EDI. You've got yourself a deal. Now send me that file!"


	4. The Argument

**The Argument**

Traynor couldn't stand it any more. For the past fifteen minutes, Wrex and the salarian dalatrass had been bickering like school children. Their voices could be heard all through the CIC, the shrill, high tones of the salarian and the gruff rumble of a krogan, and though the actual words were muffled, the tone of their conversation was clearly not an amiable one. The noise was grating on her nerves. Shepard was dressing for the meeting, a thousand and one things conspiring against him to prevent him from attending on time, and she was counting down the minutes, the seconds until he arrived.

And then she heard the thumping rumble of a krogan laugh, and the high pitched indignation of an insulted salarian, and she simply couldn't take it any more. She left her post by the galaxy map and stormed through the doorway into the conference room.

"That is enough," she announced to the pair, startling herself just as much as she had them. She didn't remember actually deciding to come marching in here, rather it had just seemed to happen, her temper flaring, her usual meekness and timidity vanished. "I don't want to hear another word of your bickering. You're both behaving like… like…" she had been going to say like children, but that would be a social faux pas is so many ways. The krogan couldn't have children, and those they did have were treasured beyond all reason. Salarian children were equally prized, though more for political reasons, and the insult, based on the behaviour of human offspring, wasn't likely to hit the tone she was looking for. But what other comparison could she make? "You're both behaving like vorcha!" Though sapient, the species was about as immature and prone to bickering you one could get, and it pulled both Wrex and the dalatrass up short.

"You dare to insult me with that foul comparison?" the dalatrass demanded, while Wrex merely muttered and grumbled to himself.

"You insult yourself with this ridiculous behavior," Traynor snarled at them. "You've agreed to negotiations, so just keep your mouths shut and wait for Commander Shepard to come and mediate for you. How hard can it be to stand around quietly for five minutes?"

Traynor stormed off, back to the CIC, and for a good thirty second, nothing but silence followed her. It wouldn't last… and right on cue, the first sniping criticism drifted through the doors in the dalatrass's whining voice. To his credit, Wrex didn't answer… until the second insult came. And then his rumbling growl started up again as an accompaniment to the salarian's soprano screech.

Okay, so she'd known from the start that she wouldn't get the pair of them to shut up. But she felt so much better for having yelled at them both.


End file.
